Friday, August 16, 2013

SEAL of Honor

I like when things can still surprise me. That's how I felt at the end of SEAL of Honor by Tonya Burrows. I mean, I kinda thought something would happen, but I guess I didn't think it would be exactly that.

SURPRISE! Cookie cakes!!

And that's what I look like. A very happy cookie monster!! Hahaha!!

I mean, especially in romance. If there's still a surprise delivered with the HEA. I mean, that's the money shot!

Tonya's my critique partner for this semester in our MFA program, and I'm lucky to be beta reading for her. :-)

Sunday, August 4, 2013

The Ugly Duchess

This year I went to RWA Nationals in Atlanta, which was an incredible experience. As a First Timer I was a little star struck. I couldn't get enough of the book signings where you can be face-to-face with your favorite authors AND walk away with free autographed copies of their latest books.

Fortunately, I had been warned ahead of time, so I had brought an extra suitcase just to hold all of this literary swag.

Unfortunately, the airline lost my luggage, and 35 of the 56 books I had scored were wandering the country. "You can't miss this bag," I told the Southwest airlines rep. "It's bright pink and filled to the brim with romance novels." Sure showed up on my doorstep 5 days later.

The rest of those 56 books I carried on the plane with me in a big Avon books bag. I think the man next to me actually thought I might read through a bunch right there in front of him. But I didn't. I got halfway through one though - The Ugly Duchess by Eloisa James.

In person, Eloisa James makes me think of Catherine Hepburn. Perhaps even Catherine Hepburn as portrayed by Cate Blanchette in The Aviator. She's tall, thin, and exudes witty sophistication. She won a RITA at RWA this year after being nominated many times before. In her speech she showed us a crumbling chocolate RITA statue which she has had sitting in her freezer for years waiting for her to trade it in for the real thing. The whole bit made me wish they still gave out chocolate RITAs.

The Ugly Duchess is another fair tale (Ugly Duckling) retold in romantic regency fashion. I enjoy that kind of stuff and thought about doing the same with the Lais of Marie de France. I think as a writer was a before-and-after layout of the book. I like how the climax of the first part creates a separation so incredibly final, that it was pretty remarkable to watch James bring the characters back together.

Of course, I may have to work some of these romance novels into my school schedule. I'm studying the mystery genre this semester and couldn't be more excited that my professor is Victoria Thompson.

Friday, March 29, 2013

response to metrics questions

I hate metrics because most of the time the people in upper management who use them have no idea what the context behind them is.

This was the latest request I got:
What % of exploits use buffer overflow
What % use ROP
What % use stack pivoting techniques in the case the overflowed buffer isn't large enough to hold the entire "ROP sled" [I'm sure they meant NOP sled.]

Does anyone have time to actually keep track that? Are we talking about worldwide?

Sourcefire and Symantec might:

Their justification for this information: "I have a meeting I have to attend."

My thoughts: "Do they know the difference between vulnerability and exploit? Probably not."

My response: "Google Metasploit capabilities." LMAO

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Dream Malware Lab Gets Milkshake Bar

Today they made everyone fill out another form because it might snow tonight.

2nd Law of Bureaucracy: "When in doubt, add paperwork."

Speaking of bureaucracy, the last 6 months of my life kinda go like this:
POLICY: What do you want?
ME: Malware policy
POLICY: Like written down
ME: Well, yeah, written down or at least in existence.
POLICY: What do you want it to look like?
ME: You tell me. You're the policy experts.
POLICY: We don't know, you tell us.
ME: I want it to look like this....[presents a beautiful bouquet of flowers]
POLICY: [eats flowers and barfs into vat of cafeteria chili] Oops...sorry


For that reason we decided to install a fire pit at the dream malware lab. It will be out back. There will be aboriginal chieftains chanting at the people trying to commune with malware. The computers will be running off a generator which the policy people will be manual powering...I'm thinking via hamster wheel.

And then we added the milkshake bar for shits and giggles. It'll have to be Chick-fil-A milkshakes though.

Monday, March 4, 2013

The Dream Malware Lab in the Sky

Today I found this on Tumblr:

And immediately I lost 30 minutes of work time laughing my ass off because it's all so true.

I run a malware lab. If the government wasn't so shitty, I wouldn't be sequestered.

If I wasn't sequestered, perhaps I would be able to build my dream malware lab in the sky. Not literally in the sky but it would probably have skylights.

And picture windows. Which would have scenic views.

I would have an aquarium maybe. Or a shark tank.

I would install slides to get from a top floor to a bottom floor.

I would get touch screens...maybe like Minority Report. Fuck it, I'll get precogs too.

Or at least the latest hardware and software to run bad stuff against.

In short maybe I should go work at Google.

Or Amazon.

Or publish a couple of my books on Amazon.

Oh hey! There's one for writer's too:


Thursday, February 28, 2013

Beavers on Wood

It's Beaver season obviously.

We went to Boston over the long Presidential's Day weekend. Among other adventures we went to the Boston Tea Party Museum, and of course, in the gift shop they had a variety of stuffed animals such as teddy bears with sailor suits on. As well as beavers!!! STUFFED BEAVERS! Wha...? I get that one of the tea ships was called the Beaver, but really?

So of course I bought a stuffed beaver because how could you not endorse such a rodent.

This was obviously prophetic because yesterday running around the lake I pointed out the trees chewed. And rounding the lake, we actually encountered the industrious pair. Fortunately, we have video footage.



Tuesday, February 26, 2013

That awkward moment...

That awkward moment when you sit down on the toilet seat, and it's overly warm. Not that a cold toilet seat is comfortable, but it's better than the thought of strange asses.

Plus there's weird BO in the stall. Not a cutting-fresh-Bieber-tracks kind of odor. More like a day-old-Frenchman sort of smell. WTF?!?!

My boyfriend recently started working from home, and what is the number one plus...? No public restroom. He informed me that men have all sorts of rules about stall use in public bathrooms. When you're a guy, I guess you kinda know what other people are doing in those stalls. But women don't have that luxury. You don't always know what you're getting into until you sit down, the seat is warm, the stall smells awful, and on either side of you there are other women....shifting, sighing, groaning....  And rolling toilet paper. The stall is shaking they are rolling out toilet paper so vigorously!! Holy crap, leave some for the next victim, woman!

On this occasion I was also blessed with a faulty flush sensor, so despite sitting perfectly still, the toilet was in a constant state of Niagara Falls.

If this was at a restaurant, I would feel compelled to Yelp my troubles as I was doing my business.

But no, this was at the shitty government building I work in. Thus the coat hook falling out of a third set of holes drilled into the door. And the mediocre attempt to simulate a sophisticated powder room by the means of a 1970s era, ratty armchair.

I see people brushing their teeth in there and doing dishes. It all kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies for some reason. I want to be so fabulous, I get my own washroom. I don't think that happens in the government unless you're like the President or something.